The quality of connection often dictates the depth and satisfaction of the bond shared.
When someone is genuinely connected, they open up their internal world, sharing their thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities. If you’re confused about what this even means think about sharing that goes beyond the surface; disclosing personal philosophies, reflections, dreams, fears, insecurities, weaknesses, and a genuine effort to engage with the other person’s internal world as well. This openness creates a space where both individuals can truly see and be seen, fostering a deep sense of intimacy.
On the other hand, a curated or performative connection involves surface-level interactions that may give the appearance of engagement but lacks genuine emotional depth. This form of connection often includes:
Surface-Level Conversations: Discussions that revolve around external activities or general topics without delving into personal feelings or thoughts.
Emotional Distance: Despite being physically present, one or both individuals remain emotionally unavailable, avoiding deeper emotional engagement.
Withholding Personal Insights: Sharing superficial details while keeping deeper personal insights and emotions hidden.
Maintaining Appearances: Acting engaged or connected for the sake of appearance rather than genuine interest or emotional investment.
The Impact on Relationships
This disparity in the quality of connection can significantly impact relationships. When one partner is genuinely connected while the other is performing connection, it creates a gap. This gap can lead to feelings of disconnection, frustration, and unmet needs for emotional intimacy and understanding. Over time, this dynamic can erode trust and satisfaction in the relationship.
For instance, consider a scenario where one partner regularly shares their thoughts and feelings, seeking emotional closeness, while the other responds with surface-level comments and remains emotionally guarded. The former may begin to feel isolated and unsupported, sensing that their efforts to connect deeply are not reciprocated. This imbalance can create a sense of loneliness, sadness, anxiety and depression.
If this is happening in your relationship and you want to be in this relationship, it’s important to address it. No relationship—wait, let me rephrase—no satisfying, healthy relationship can sustain itself in the absence of genuine connection.
It’s important to keep in mind that distance in any scenario is a protective mechanism. It’s a way to defend ourselves against being hurt and feeling overwhelmed. The problem with this defensive approach is that it pushes people away. It creates problems. It ends up hurting more because one remains alone and cultivates relationships that are unhealthy and lack connection. It’s crucial that more understanding is given to developing meaning around why one withholds and cannot be vulnerable enough to connect. Without fully understanding that why, a different choice of vulnerability cannot occur.
Amazing Content as usual, thanks so much. Greetings from France