Being sweet, kind, and loving in relationships is a crucial part of building and maintaining a strong connection. It's about both giving and receiving love in meaningful ways. If you find this challenging, here is a guide to help you navigate these important aspects of your relationship.
Verbally
Express Appreciation and Admiration: Saying "I love you" is important, but adding specifics makes it more meaningful. Tell your partner what you love about them. Compliment their appearance, intelligence, or any other qualities you admire.
Show Interest in Their Life: Engage in conversations about their world. Ask them questions about their day, their interests, and their goals. This shows that you care about their experiences and thoughts.
Communicate When Apart: If you're not together, express how much you miss them and look forward to seeing them again. Often and at regular intervals. Say something like, “I wish you were cuddling me, holding me, kissing me.” You can even say, “I wish you were here with me.” Also make sure to share in your excitement about future plans and the things you want to do together when you reunite. Really make it explicit. Don’t just do the surface or bare minimum.
Virtually
Regular Check-ins: Text regularly and maintain an ongoing thread of connection. Share your thoughts, feelings, and love for them. Share photos of you and your surroundings. This helps to keep the relationship vibrant and alive, even when you're apart.
Send Sweet Messages: Reinforce your love and affection through sweet and caring messages. Let them know they're on your mind and in your heart.
Sext Regularly: Keep the spark alive by sending flirty or sexy messages. If you're comfortable, sext or send a sexy photo to keep the sexual connection strong even when you're apart. Express your desires and anticipation for when you'll be together again.
Sexually
Prioritize Their Pleasure: Ensure that your partner's pleasure is a priority. Ask them what they need and want during sex.
Be Attentive: If you reach orgasm first, don’t stop there. Make sure your partner is satisfied as well. This shows that their pleasure is as important as your own.
Open Communication: Talk explicitly about what you both want before, during, and after sex. This ensures that both partners feel satisfied and valued.
Initiate and Prioritize Sex: Don’t wait for your partner to always initiate. Take the lead sometimes and make sex a priority in your relationship. This helps maintain intimacy and connection. Couples that have sex more often generally get along better.
Behaviorally
Thoughtful Gestures: Show your love through actions. Surprise your partner with a homemade dinner or a small gift that shows you were thinking of them.
Acts of Service: Help your partner with tasks or chores. This can be as simple as doing the dishes or as thoughtful as running an errand for them. Acts of service show that you’re attentive to their needs and willing to support them.
Surprises: Plan little surprises that bring joy to your partner’s day. These don’t have to be grand gestures—small, thoughtful actions can make a big impact on how connected and appreciated your partner feels.
If you’re not doing these things, or if your partner isn’t, that’s okay. There is always room for improvement. It’s best not to spiral into shame, contempt, defensiveness, uncontrollable disappointment, or negativity. These suggestions are meant to enhance connection, increase love, and build intimacy.
There’s nothing negative about striving to improve your relationship.
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