We like to think we’re in control of our emotions, that with enough mindfulness, self-help books, or therapy, we can master our inner worlds. But the truth is, much of our emotional life doesn’t happen on the surface. Beneath the stories we tell ourselves, under the day-to-day stress, and behind the feelings we consciously recognize, our unconscious mind is constantly speaking to us—if only we’d learn to listen.
The unconscious mind doesn’t communicate the way we’re used to. It doesn’t speak in neatly packaged sentences, nor does it wait for a convenient time to make itself known. Instead, it manifests through subtle signs: anxiety that springs up without warning, a deep sadness that doesn’t seem to have a clear cause, or recurring dreams that leave us unsettled. These are the signals—like a language we’ve forgotten how to read—that our unconscious mind uses to get our attention. And more often than not, it’s trying to tell us something vital.
Hidden Messages
When anxiety hits, our first instinct is often to fight it, to shut it down. We treat it like an unwelcome guest, something to be silenced as quickly as possible. But what if, instead of seeing our anxiety or depression as an enemy, we viewed it as a messenger? What if, instead of avoiding those feelings, we got curious about what they’re trying to communicate?
Let’s take anxiety, for example. We often experience it as a vague sense of dread, a feeling that something bad is looming just around the corner. We might blame it on our partners, work stress, social pressure, or external events, but these are often just the surface explanations. The deeper message of anxiety could be telling us that we’ve lost touch with our own needs, or that we’re living out of alignment with our values. It might be pointing to unresolved pain or fears that we’ve pushed down for so long, we’ve forgotten they exist.
Anxiety, depression, sadness, and even anger are often the unconscious mind’s way of tapping us on the shoulder, saying: Hey, something’s off here. Pay attention.
Relationally Unconscious
The unconscious mind doesn’t just communicate through our individual emotions; it also makes itself known in our relationships. How many times have you found yourself reacting strongly to a seemingly insignificant comment from a partner or friend? Or perhaps you’ve noticed certain patterns—like repeatedly attracting the same kind of partner or ending up in the same types of conflicts—without fully understanding why.
These moments are not random. They are the unconscious at work, pushing us to confront deeper issues that we haven’t yet addressed. For example, a fear of abandonment from childhood might resurface in adulthood, causing someone to be overly anxious in their romantic relationships. Or unresolved feelings of unworthiness may manifest as a pattern of choosing partners who don’t treat us well.
In these cases, our unconscious mind is doing us a favor—showing us what needs healing. The challenge is that we often misinterpret or dismiss these signals as overreactions or personal flaws. Instead of exploring the deeper roots, we might blame ourselves, blame others, or avoid the discomfort altogether. But these reactions prevent us from getting to the heart of the issue, leaving the unconscious mind to continue sending distress signals.
Listen UP
Listening to the unconscious mind requires patience and curiosity. It’s not about finding immediate solutions or rational explanations. Rather, it’s about recognizing that our deepest feelings are valid, even when they don’t make immediate sense. When we feel restless, sad, or angry, our natural reaction is to resolve the feeling as quickly as possible. But real growth comes when we pause, breathe, and ask ourselves: What is this emotion trying to tell me?
One of the most powerful ways to engage with the unconscious is through practices like journaling, meditation, or therapy—spaces where we can explore our inner world without the noise of everyday life. In these moments, we begin to notice patterns, uncover forgotten memories, and gain insights into why we feel the way we do.
The Consequences of Ignoring the Unconscious
When we ignore the language of the unconscious, we risk staying stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. The emotions we suppress don’t just go away—they fester, grow, and eventually bubble up in ways that can overwhelm us. By pushing down feelings of sadness, fear, or frustration, we create a pressure cooker that will eventually blow, often in unexpected or destructive ways.
On a larger scale, ignoring the unconscious can lead us to live lives that feel disconnected or unfulfilling. When we refuse to listen to what our deeper selves are trying to tell us, we may find ourselves stuck in relationships or situations that don’t align with who we truly are. We may go through the motions, but there will always be a lingering sense that something is missing.
Learning the language of the unconscious is less about "fixing" ourselves and more about understanding ourselves. It’s about creating space for all of our emotions—especially the uncomfortable ones—and recognizing that they have something to teach us. When we shift our perspective from seeing these emotions as problems to solve, and instead see them as guides to deeper self-awareness, we unlock a new level of emotional intelligence.
Instead of asking, How do I get rid of this feeling? we begin to ask, What is this feeling telling me? And in that shift, we find the wisdom that has always been there, waiting for us to listen.
If you haven’t already check out my book, How to Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind. Get it here.
I really enjoyed reading your article, and I agree. I have also found that when we surround/immerse ourselves in too much 'noise', and I'm not necessarily referring to loud sounds, we have the tendency to drown out the still small voice of the unconscious, and that can be potentially detrimental. I think we need to quiet our spirits sometimes to hear, and then when we hear, listen...