Difference Isn’t About Incompatibility—It’s About Rigidity

Incompatibility Is About an Unwillingness to Grow

We tend to think of relationship struggles as a matter of too much difference. That if two people have different personalities, needs, or values, they must be incompatible. But the truth is, difference itself isn’t the problem—rigidity is.

Differences don’t automatically lead to incompatibility; what determines whether a relationship works is how each partner engages with them. In other words, the issue isn’t how different you are—it’s how flexible and open you are in navigating those differences with vulnerability, empathy, and openness..

Rigidity vs. Adaptability in Relationships

Adaptability doesn’t mean losing yourself or changing your core values for someone else. It means being emotionally available enough to engage with differences rather than dismiss them outright.

Rigidity is the refusal to adjust, listen, or meet a partner where they are. It sounds like:

• “You’re asking for too much.”

• “This is just how I am.”

• “I shouldn’t have to change.”

• “That’s just not something I do.”

While it’s healthy to have personal boundaries and self-respect, true intimacy requires some level of flexibility. A partner who refuses to engage with difference—who sees compromise as a threat rather than an act of care—creates an unworkable dynamic.

Adaptability, on the other hand, sounds like: