When I was little I used to pretend to be Storm from X-Men. Whenever the wind picked up, I'd imagine myself as a powerful protecter others. It made me feel special, beautiful, and important. Looking back, I realize it was a way for me to tap into a sense of fearlessness that I, as a scared young gay boy, lacked.
Even now, I sometimes find myself imagining having superpowers, although I've moved on from pretending to be Storm, as iconic as she is. I do this when I'm feeling something overwhelming, like an internal emotional storm :-). The themes of those storms are always the same and often revolve around feeling deeply alone, afraid, broken, and/or unwanted. In those moments, I resort to what I used to do as a child—I imagine something that makes me feel special, beautiful, and connected to something larger than myself.
I imagine that my feelings are a bridge to a collective consciousness; accessing a universal human experience that connects us all together. This is not a new idea. I was only able to put words to it when I read one of Sharon’s Salzberg’s books (go read if you haven’t). She talks about how our feelings are not just personal experiences but are part of a larger, interconnected universal consciousness. Her suggestion is to use our emotional experiences to access a sense of unity even when we’re feeling deeply alone and afraid. I’ve never been a particularly spiritual person in the traditional sense. But this is my spirituality; my connection to something beyond myself.
I've come to realize that I'm not alone in these feelings. Through my work I've seen a common thread amongst all my clients—a deep sense of loss and loneliness. It's a pain that we all try to resist, yet it's an essential part of what it means to be whole. Kind of ironic that it is only in accepting our suffering, and then actually suffering that we can heal and grow.
So, if you're feeling overwhelmed, I want you to know that you're not alone. There's nothing inherently wrong with you; you're meant to feel this way. And in sharing these emotions, you're connected to me and to countless others who have felt or are feeling the same way. These feelings will come back. Sometimes you’ll see them coming a mile away. Other times, they will surprise the fuck out of you. Either way, it’s your stuff. It’s your special stuff. And you don’t have to be afraid of it.
We all have that little kid inside ourselves who had to do something to feel safe. Maybe it was imagining you were a superhero. Maybe it was shutting off all emotion and withdrawing from connection. Maybe it was feeling every single emotion so you couldn’t be ignored. Either way, they're still with you. Make sure that the adult you is there for them. Make sure that the adult you shows them love and assures them that they are fundamentally safe and secure within themselves now. Make sure they know they survived and that they don’t have to cling on to something or someone for control. They don’t need it anymore. They just need themselves. You.
Wow, you have no idea how perfect these words are to me right now. Struggling with a hard relationship, struggling with controlling my emotions when I just want to be held and wanted and not alone in my feelings. Learning that I need to be there for that inner lonely, emotionally shamed child (as I’m the only one who can be).
Storm has always been the best x-men 😊
In all seriousness, I thoroughly needed to hear those words this week. So thank you