Entitled
Do you deserve it?
Children, undoubtedly, are entitled to the essentials for healthy development - love, nurturing, support, safety, food, shelter, and clothing. It's the foundation on which a secure adult life can be built. However, as we transition into adulthood, the lines of entitlement blur.
Do we, as adults, deserve all we believe we're entitled to, even if we're not willing to put in the work? These are complex, open-ended questions, and the answers aren't universally applicable. Understanding our personal and family histories can provide some clarity, but it's merely a starting point.
Entitlement in Relationships Is A Ticking Time Bomb
Entitlement, in essence, refers to the belief about what one deserves or has the right to receive, either from others or from life itself.
In the context of adult relationships, it's vital to differentiate between realistic entitlements — those based on mutual respect, understanding, and effort — and those that are propagated by popular culture, which can often be unrealistic and sometimes even detrimental.
There's a popularized narrative on social media about what we "deserve" in relationships. We're told we're entitled to a partner who acts in certain ways, offers particular forms of affection or support. When these expectations aren't met, it's easy to label the partner or the relationship as deficient.
But missing from this narrative is self-reflection. Before demanding a certain type of treatment, it's crucial to assess the energy and intention we bring to the relationship. Are we truly acting in ways that make us deserving of our expectations? Or are we merely resting on entitlement?
This entitlement, when unchecked, can lead to resentment, disappointment, and ultimately, contempt. It can cloud judgment, making it hard to differentiate between genuine relationship issues and unrealistic expectations.
People deserve safe relationships. Flat out 100% safety. It is the hallmark of any healthy relationship. In that context, kindness, empathy and respect are paramount. But beyond that it might be difficult to come up with rules for what we’re entitled to.
At the heart of every meaningful relationship lies a delicate balance between giving and receiving. This balance is what fuels the relationship, allowing it to grow, evolve, and stand the test of time. However, when one enters the realm of relationships with a sense of entitlement — an overwhelming feeling of deserving to receive without the intention to give — it fundamentally alters the dynamics.
Such an approach transforms the other person into an object rather than a distinct individual with feelings, desires, and boundaries. This objectification stands in stark contrast to genuine intimacy. Intimacy demands mutual respect, understanding, and vulnerability. When we objectify, we create a barrier to this vulnerability, replacing it with transactional expectations. Instead of cherishing the shared moments, experiences, and emotions, the relationship becomes a ledger of debts and credits.
Moreover, when we approach relationships with a primary focus on what we can get from our partners, we run the risk of missing out on the joy and fulfillment of genuine connection. Real intimacy thrives in an environment where both parties feel valued and appreciated, not just for what they provide but for who they are. By viewing another person as a mere supplier of our needs, we rob ourselves of the depth and richness that a more mutual relationship can offer.
So, what does this mean?
Firstly, it's crucial to cultivate self-awareness. By recognizing and addressing our own tendencies toward entitlement or objectification, we can work toward building healthier, more balanced relationships.
Secondly, emphasizing the importance of giving — not just in material terms but in time, effort, understanding, and emotional support — can pave the way for deeper and more meaningful connections.
In essence, while relationships are undoubtedly complex, approaching them with a genuine desire to both give and receive can lead to richer, more fulfilling connections. It's about recognizing and valuing the humanity in others, ensuring that our interactions are rooted in respect and mutual appreciation.