Is porn a problem?

Porn is a controversial subject. It’s often vilified as the "problem" in ways that oversimplify a complex topic. But is porn inherently problematic, or does its impact depend on how it is used and the role it plays in someone’s life? The truth is, porn isn’t the problem. The real issue is how it is used. When consumed compulsively, depended upon for pleasure, or used to avoid intimacy, it can limit connection and growth.

When Porn Becomes a Stand-In for Partnered Sex

One of the most significant ways porn can negatively impact a relationship is when it becomes a stand-in for partnered sex. In these instances, porn consumption may lead to some form of withdrawal—both emotional and physical—from a partner. Instead of engaging in the complex and sometimes messy dynamics of real-life intimacy, someone may choose to rely upon the simplicity and predictability of the scripted fantasy porn provides.

This withdrawal creates a feedback loop of disconnection: as one partner leans on porn for arousal and sexual release, the other may feel rejected, undesired, or even inadequate. Over time, this dynamic can create an emotional chasm that’s difficult to bridge. The issue here isn’t porn itself but how it is being used to avoid vulnerability, discomfort, or effort in the relationship.