Stop Shrinking for Others

Growing up, my family didn’t want to hear my voice. I was the youngest, the crybaby, the needy one, the one that was afraid of everything, the gay one, the addict, the depressed kid, the one on psych meds, the one who didn’t join the family business, the one who wanted to go to college (this wasn’t a positive thing in my family). There was always a reason why I was treated like a problem. Sometimes simply just for being alive. A liability. A disruption. Not a full person. Just a walking inconvenience.

Over time, I internalized this. Not just emotionally—but literally in my body. I shrank. I made myself small, physically and energetically. I avoided taking up space. I became hyper-aware of how I was being perceived, always scanning for danger or disappointment. I learned to preempt rejection by minimizing myself. My nervous system adapted to disapproval as if it were oxygen: something always present, something I had to survive.