When Boundaries Are Actually Avoidance

The Fine Line Between Self-Protection and Sabotage

Boundaries have become the go-to answer for nearly every relationship issue—feeling overwhelmed? Set a boundary. Need space? Set a boundary. Don’t feel like engaging? Set a boundary. And yes, boundaries are crucial. They help us protect our well-being, create structure in relationships, and define what we can and cannot accept.

But not everything labeled as a “boundary” is actually healthy or even a real boundary. Some boundaries are just avoidance in disguise—a way to stay disconnected, control intimacy, and keep relationships surface-level while pretending it’s about “self-care” or “personal growth.”

The truth is, a healthy boundary creates clarity and strengthens relationships. Avoidance, on the other hand, shuts people out under the guise of self-protection. And in a culture that glorifies hyper-independence and emotional self-sufficiency, it’s easy to justify behaviors that are actually sabotaging intimacy and connection.

Boundaries That Are Actually Avoidance