You Don’t Need Perfect Alignment and You Can’t Figure It All Out (Your Life Is Not a Rubik’s Cube)

I was at a dinner last night where the conversation drifted into one of those familiar spirals. Life, relationships, purpose, identity. People were talking about it all like it was a Rubik’s cube. Like if you just found the right combination of choices, habits, healing, boundaries, and insight, everything would click into place. Colors aligned. No more moves necessary. Done.

And I could feel myself getting uncomfortable.

Not because what they were saying was wrong, but because of what was underneath it. That subtle belief that life is something to solve. That there is a way to arrange it so it finally feels right, stable, complete. That if you just “get it,” everything will make sense and stay that way. Obviously it was just a fun analogy. But even if no one says it that directly, that’s how it starts to feel. That’s how it’s presented everywhere. Like you’re behind for not figuring it out yet. Like there is a version of life where everything aligns and you just haven’t cracked the code.

The Fantasy of Alignment

We’ve become obsessed with alignment. Everything has to align. Your work, your relationships, your nervous system, your purpose, your habits, your identity. It all needs to feel coherent and regulated and integrated. And if it doesn’t, something must be wrong.

So you assume you’re dysregulated. You’re out of alignment. You haven’t healed enough. You’re in the wrong relationship. You need to do more work.

And then you try to fix it.

You change your routine. You process more. You journal more. You cut people off. You reframe your past. You double down on awareness. You try to “do it right.”

And for a moment, it works. Things feel clearer. Lighter. More controlled.

But then something comes up again. A feeling you thought you moved past. A reaction that doesn’t match who you think you are. And suddenly the cube is scrambled again.

Now you’re back to thinking you did something wrong.

The Idea of “Getting It”

There’s this assumption baked into how we talk about growth. That there is a point where you get it. Where you become secure, regulated, aligned, healed. Where your patterns stop running the show and things stop being so hard.

But what if that point doesn’t exist?

Because the idea that you can “get it” suggests that life is static. That once you understand it correctly, you can live it correctly. That there is a right way to be that eliminates friction.

Life does not work like that.