You Don't Need Their Validation

Validate Yourself

In the complex dance of relationships, we often lean on our partners for support, love, and validation. That's entirely natural and forms the basis of a healthy, intimate connection. However, there can be a tipping point where the expectation that our partner should always validate us dominates. When we collapse with disappointment or become hypervigilant with anxiety in response to invalidation. This can turn a balanced relationship into a seesaw of emotions.

The Chase for Approval

From the moment we enter the world, we're social creatures. We thrive on interaction, connection, and, to a certain extent, approval. Our experiences as children can influence how much we seek validation in our adult relationships. For those who lacked validation in their childhood, the desire to seek approval can loom large.

As adults, we can often project our childhood experiences onto our partners, creating expectations that are neither fair nor realistic. The need for constant validation can put enormous pressure on both parties. It turns a healthy, two-sided relationship into a one-sided emotional crutch, and nobody can bear that weight indefinitely.

The Difference is Normal, Not Catastrophic

It's important to remember that differences of opinion, emotional experiences, and availability are normal. Your partner may not always agree with you, and that's okay. They may not always be available to provide the emotional validation you're seeking, and that's okay too.

Sometimes, we tend to catastrophize these moments, interpreting them as a crisis or loss. But the truth is, they're part and parcel of any relationship. Expecting your partner to validate you 24/7, 365 days a year, is neither realistic nor healthy.

Self-Validation: The Path to Independence

Rather than depending on our partners for constant validation, we must learn to validate ourselves. This isn't about dismissing our partners or devaluing their input. It's about recognizing our own worth independently of their approval. It's about knowing that we are enough, irrespective of anyone else's opinion.

Self-validation isn't easy. It requires introspection, self-awareness, and a willingness to confront our insecurities and fears. It might mean practicing self-compassion, reminding ourselves of our achievements, or seeking therapy to work through deep-seated issues.

Building Your Own Emotional Scaffold

In the end, relying on our partners for constant validation is like building a house on shifting sands. It's unstable, unsustainable, and ultimately doomed to fail. What we need instead is to build our emotional scaffold, to prop ourselves up.

This doesn't mean your partner can't or shouldn't support you. But it's about balancing that external support with a strong internal foundation of self-validation and self-acceptance. It's about recognizing your worth from within rather than seeking it from outside.

Remember, your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. Validate yourself, believe in yourself, and love yourself, even when it seems like no one else does. You are enough, just as you are.